Dating someone 20 years older than you

The possibility of my husband becoming ill and incapacitated at a stage where I want to be active and travel also weighs heavily on my mind.

My boyfriend is 23 years older than me and I worry about being left alone when he dies

We have discussed these issues openly and at length, and have made multiple attempts to pull away from each other. Just the thought of seeing someone else makes me feel sick and anxious.

Dating Over 40 - Older Men Dating Women in Their 20's - TSL Podcast

You are exploring every possibility, every scenario and in so doing you are, as you say, paralysing yourself. We tend to overthink when we are anxious and this was one of the first things psychotherapist and couples counsellor Chris Mills picked up on. When we are anxious or unsure, we also want rock-solid guarantees and tend to think in black and white.

Sometimes the most proactive thing you can do is … nothing. But why the urgency in either committing or walking away? This question is too important to rush.

1. An older man is more likely to be chivalrous

I was struck by how catastrophic you felt losing a partner would be and how your life would be, in essence, not worth living. While few would relish the thought of losing a partner, there are many examples of people leading successful and fulfilling lives after the death of one.

I feel this needs further exploration, because if you are prone to anxiety, you will find something to catastrophise about in any relationship you go into. I worry you are looking for resilience outside of yourself. Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again.

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I am dating someone 20 years older

You can help to pick the winner of the Movies for Grownups Readers' Choice award! Vote now for your favorite film. What does age have to do with love? Friends say you're "infatuated" — why can't they see you're in love? They may impugn the motives of the younger person "Gold digger! Does that just about describe the level of "support" you're receiving? To be fair, your friends may have a point: It is sexy to be with someone different, and there is a certain pride in attracting the interest of a younger mate.

But there's more than that to your new relationship, as you know, so you could do without the nudges and winks. Many couples have conquered this barrier, remaining happily married , or committed, for decades.


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Perhaps the best known are year-old Michael Douglas and year-old Catherine Zeta-Jones, who have bridged their quarter-century age gap to stand by each other through a long partnership and some recent serious health scares. Or look at year-old Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood, who made year-old theater producer Sally Humphreys his third bride in December You don't hear as much about what I refuse to call " cougars ": Could it be that men prize youth and beauty more highly than women do?

(Closed) Daughter Marrying a Man 20 years older. 25 & 45.

Maybe, but I suspect another dynamic is at work: Women don't want to feel maternal about a lover, nor do they want to see themselves as a mother figure in a lover's eyes. This aversion may have stopped some women cold who were hot for younger men. Unless, of course, they were named Cher. But all this prompts a bigger question: Is it smart or stupid to take on a partner 20 years younger once you hit 50, 60 or 70? Just as age has its rewards, so do age differences.

The younger person gets an experienced companion who is often better established in the world.


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  • Large age gaps in a relationship: our readers respond | The people's panel;
  • The "senior partner" may also have more money — perhaps, even, a more interesting life. The older person, for his part, gets a higher-energy companion who is likely to help the couple stay fit — and, quite likely, more sexually active. But won't the "junior partner" eventually have to pay the piper?

    Well, if you're 50 and your companion is 70, you're almost bound to provide care long before you would for a mate of the same age.

    True love is a treasure, but it doesn't always occur when — or with whom — we thought it would

    But we love whom we love. Plus, most people would willingly choose to endure the rough patches so long as they get a reasonable run of the good stuff beforehand.